Tentacle-Free Anime: "Hellsing" vs "Hellsing Ultimate"Over the course of the next few months, we'll be switching over to a once-a-month anime review format from yours truly so that I can get some matters in my personal life straightened out. It is my hope, however, that once the new year comes around maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to jump back in full force with twice-a-month. Something I definitely want to do in the new year is offer more... variety in the way that you consume my reviews. And today, I have a very special sneak peek of what some of that variety may look like...
[SPOILERS!!]
Me: “Oh my God, readers, oh dear readers, I am coming to you live from London where it seems a deep red, abysmal portal of some sort has opened up in the sky. And-- oh, there is another London coming through! Oh my God, brace yourselves for impact, our two worlds are colliding! Oh God! Oh Go--” Me (Ultimate): “Readers, the portal has vanished, and there seems to be two worlds existing at once. As if some divine force has brought us together for something. However, I don't know what. Looking around I see people, many people, standing next to what appears to be another one of them. I don't-- Oh, oh look there readers. Is that... me?”
L-R: "Hellsing" and "Hellsing Ultimate" DVD covers
Me: “Who are you? Are you me? No, you cannot be me, for I am me. Or are you me from another world? This is just too confusing. What could have done this? Wait, are you speaking to the readers as well?” Me (Ultimate): “ I am. Hey! So we are both reviewers in both our realities, it seems. It's good to know not everything is different here. Say, are you... an anime reviewer, by chance?” Me: “I am! I am! Oh, splendid day, this is actually really cool getting to meet another me and all that. I take it you're one too? What anime have you been watching? Lots I hope! Lately I just finished the anime Hellsing. Does that exist over there for you?” Me (Ultimate): “It does! Except, did you call it Hellsing? We only have Hellsing Ultimate, but perhaps it's only the name that is different. Tell me about your Hellsing and we'll compare. Dear readers, this is marvelous! I have always wanted to meet another me, and to have such impeccably similar tastes in series! I just can't think of anything better!” Me: “Ahaha, I agree with him, dear reader! Now, me from another universe, my Hellsing is pretty damnably awesome. It's only 13 episodes, which is pretty short, but only because it was made before the original manga was finished. Bummer, but they made it work, I felt. Anyways, it follows the exploits of-- well, you know, Alucard and the others and such. In my version Alucard is a bit on the ominous side. Choosing to loom in the shadows and strike cautiously as opposed to thrashing about with guns blazing. It makes him more human to balance out his vampiric side. And Seras, oh gorgeously undead Seras. She is so badass! It doesn't take her long at all to get the hang of being a member of the Hellsing Organization and quickly becomes one of its top members. I also like her sleuthing skills and the intelligence she has to take on tasks on her own, rather than bumble her way through them and hope something works like most female anime characters do.” 
Alucard's first appearence (Hellsing).
Me (Ultimate): “I, uhh, oh wow. Okay. I can already tell you now our shows are completely different... For one, my series is 10 episodes, but each one is only 45 minutes long. It also has a 3 episode prequel, but we don't talk about that atrocity. It was made after the original manga was completed, so it makes sure to get in the full original story as it was meant to be seen. And our Alucards seem, well, way different. Mine loves the spotlight and to put a bullet through someone's head the second he gets the chance. He doesn't really do a good job at looming in the shadows, however he is an amazing fighter and this show has some kick-ass fight scenes in it because of that. Also, about Seras, mine... isn't all that intelligent. She actually does like to bumble around until things eventually work out and a lot of the time Alucard has to jump in and save her. Although, near the end of the series, she finally becomes a true vampire and a force to be reckoned with! Taking out ghoul after ghoul after ghoul, is your Seras Victoria like that? Hmmm?” 
Seras Victoria stands strong.
Me: “Well, ummm, no. No, my Seras Victoria never really gets to become a true vampire. My theory is that because the manga wasn't finished at the time, the series was cut short as to not become another Fullmetal Alchemist. Even though FMA came out a few years later, technically.” Me (Ultimate): “You mean Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood?” Me: “Ummm, no. We'll come back to that one later, though. Anyways, I think it was cut short so the full story that the show writers obviously had planned wasn't able to come to fruition. And so, sadly, the last few episodes are lacking quite a bit. Having not read the manga, I'm not exactly sure what was changed in the anime. But the series, my series, focuses pretty heavily on the Hellsing Organization as a whole. Not just Alucard, Seras, or Integra. And I really enjoyed seeing the inner workings of the organization, it made their work seem real and plausible. Also, my Integra, leader of the Hellsing Organization, stabbed her own throat with a knife in order to purge herself of vampiric blood so that she wouldn't turn into a ghoul or a vampire. Did your Integra do that?” Me (Ultimate): “No! That's so badass of her! Did she live? Please tell me she lived! Oh, but my Integra is pretty badass as well. She knows just how to take charge of every situation and doesn't hang back letting Alucard or Seras do everything for her. The way she confronts the Major in the final episode, taking those shots at him without asking any questions, just knowing she wants him dead, is so cool. Also, I did not read the manga either, interestingly enough. But I've been told my version is a really faithful adaptation. Did your version have other monsters from fiction in them, too?” 
Hellsing Ultimate never looked so good.
Me: “The... Major? Other monsters from other fiction? I don't know who that is, and no it didn't, sadly. But now that you mention it, that would be pretty cool. Mine only had a few other vampires in it. I really liked how my version handles vampires as sacred creatures who have true magical abilities unparalleled by anyone else. Even the artificial vampires that get made don't have anything on them. It sounds to me like your version focuses more on style and flash, whereas mine focuses more on subtlety and the subdued feeling of true horror. Dark creatures that loom in the shadows, rather than grand battles.” Me (Ultimate): “You definitely have me there. I love my flashing fights, but it would've been nice to see more subtlety and less in-your-face action. Wait, you don't know who the Major is?!” Me: “We, uhhh, didn't have a Major in my series?” Me (Ultimate): “Short, fat guy with a Hitler complex? Created mass destruction on a million body scale in both London and Washington D.C. through a complex stratagem that resulted in a travesty equaling that of the original Holocaust in order to lure Alucard into a trap and finally defeat the undefeatable vampire?” Me: “Woah. No. But we had Walter--” Me (Ultimate): “Screw Walter! That traitorous bastard! I don't even want to talk about him. He- oh he makes me so mad just thinking about him. But I'll give Kouta Hirano props, it was a bold move. However dumb the explanation for it actually was.” Me: “Walter's not a traitor...” Me (Ultimate): “Maybe not in your version. Let's talk about something else, shall we? How is the animation quality in your series?” 
An army of ghouls.
Me: “The animation quality in my version didn't age well. The art is pretty blocky, and the entire first episode takes place under a single-hued blood red sky. The entire series screams budget constraints. But I don't hate it. There's a quirkyness to it that I really enjoy. I could see many other fans from this day and age not enjoying it that much, however.” Me (Ultimate): “Yeah, fans these days have been spoiled by good quality animation. In fact, the animation quality of Hellsing Ultimate is really high quality. Everything just looks so crisp and clean, so big and bold. The characters really stand out from the detailed backgrounds. In fact, I'd liken my animation style to that of Attack on Titan's--” Me: “Stickers on a background?” Me (Ultimate): “The very same.” Me: “At least not everything is different. Hahaha. Hey, now that we're on the subject of technical issues, what's your soundtrack like? My series has a heavy rock sound to it. And not just the opening or ending, even the insert songs are rock anthems. For a series that prides itself on being serious and looming, the rock music really makes it stand apart and oddly mixes well with both the quieter and the louder scenes. Although, holy crap, the opening song “Logos Naki World” or “A World without Logos” by Yasushi Ishii-- Ohh! Sweet baby Jesus, you need to listen to it. It's astounding.” 
Incognito, a true Nosferatu.
Me (Ultimate): Your soundtrack sounds so cool! I wish we had rock music. No, all we got was orchestral and operatic, which I like, too. The slow, building melodies of the chorus voices really fit well with the flashy battle scenes and other over the top scenes. The scene where Alucard takes out Rip van Winkle, the song that plays during that scene, “Der Freischutz” by Weber is orgasmic. Really, go listen to it. Going back to the animation for a moment. There is something I need to complain about. I love my version of Hellsing, but it really likes to incorporate comedy in all the wrong places. And it uses different animation to do it. Like, really crappy animation that just does not fit with my flashy series in the slightest. I wish I could show you, but from what you've told me I take it yours doesn't have that and I'm just really jealous yours managed to stay serious.” Me: “Oh, no, we have crappy comedy animation as well. But only at the end during the previews. It's actually well placed back there and is pretty funny.” Me: (Ultimate): “Oh. Well, I'm kind of all out of things to talk about. Do you got any ideas?” Me: “We could always discuss Fullmeta--” Crowd of People (in unison): “Ahhh!!! Run!! The ghouls are coming!!!!” Me (in unison): “Ghouls?! But those aren't real! Wait-- that makes sense, we were brought here together to purposely discuss Hellsing for the readers because it's topical for the series actually coming into the real world. That's genius! Whichever unknowable, all-powerful force did that is really clever. It's also scary, because there are ghouls! Run!!!” Alucard: “Not so fast, reviewer boys. I will take care of the ghouls, you just stand back and watch. And don't get in my way.” Me (in unison): “Alucard!!” Alucard (Ultimate): “Hahaha! Hello reviewer boys! Don't forget about me! I'll take care of those ghouls with just one bullet!” Me (in unison): “Ultimate Alucard!!” Alucard (Ultimate): “You hear that, me, I'm the ultimate Alucard. I guess that means you can just go bye-bye and we'll dance later. Hahahaha!!” 
The True Alucard.
Alucard: “Oh, shove it you overgrown waste of the dark dimension. I'm going to take out these ghouls, and you're the one who's going to leave.” Alucard (Ultimate): “What did you say to me?! Do you want to dance now?!” Alucard: “Let's go! I'll show you what a true dracula is really like!” Me (in unison): “Dear readers, it seems our two Alucard's have decided that now is the best time to test their skills against one another. With an oncoming hoard of ghouls, the continuing mystery of who, or what, brought us together, and now the lingering doom of possibly not even surviving this event, I think now would be a perfect time to end our little chat. We will see you next time, if there is a next time, either separately or together. We love you! And please pray for us!” --- And there you have it folks, a perilous journey that brought two reviewers together into the hellmouth of the Hellsing universe itself. Will they survive, and will their respective universe ever become solitary confines all to themselves ever again? Find out, probably never! Or maybe one day! Who knows?! We hope you enjoyed this tale, and we also hope you enjoy both versions of Hellsing. Whether you're from this universe, or the ultimate version, remember that just because there are two different variations of the same thing, it doesn't mean one has to be better than the other. Both are without perfection and host many flaws and strengths. However, final scores have to be given out to both series. So take heed, dear readers, for you may not agree with these scores, but someone's got to give them. Someone's got to make the hard choices. Someone watched a whole lot of Hellsing in the space of just a few days and is all vampired out. So long for now, dear readers, and, as always, keep an eye out for fiendish ghouls as October-Horror month comes to a close. Final Scores: 4 True Nosferatu out of 5 for Hellsing 3 Super-Monsters out of 5 for Hellsing Ultimate Well, that was different. Which of the Hellsing anime do you prefer? Let us know in the comments! 
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