Worst Case Scenario: How To Ruin 2017As 2016 comes to a close, many have labeled it “The Worst Year Ever” due to things like the American Presidential Election, Brexit, the plethora of celebrity deaths, and of course, Harambe. But as an optimist, it’s important to look to the future: here’s a list of events that can single-handedly ruin 2017.
1. THE DEATH OF PRINCESS PEACH For 31 years and counting, Mario has gone to the ends of the toilet/fungus-themed hell that is the Mushroom Kingdom for his beloved Princess, only for the credits to roll so they can all partake in a game of tennis or golf, and have the cycle repeat itself the second Bowser gets bored. The only thing worse than the cycle itself, however, is for that cycle to come to an end. It drives Mario. It makes Mario feel like he can make a difference, even despite the fact that in addition to plumbing, he’s an accomplished Olympic athlete, artist, dancer, astronaut, and physician, among other things. The chase for Princess Peach gives him life. Mario isn’t a vengeful man either-- he’s never come after Bowser unprovoked. If Mario lost the princess, especially after the painful events of 2016, it would be absolutely devastating. Poor Mario. 
Princess Peach image via humourabilia.blogspot.com.
2. AN "AIR BUD" REBOOT The Air Bud film franchise has been on a steady roll since the beloved golden retriever that is Buddy played his first game of basketball in 1997. A total of 14 feature films makes up this diverse franchise, which has transcended sports and has entered the era of Air Buddies, in which the offspring of Buddy and his soulmate Molly undergo a rich variety of adventures spanning from Indiana Jones-esque expeditions to helping Santa Claus save and preserve the spirit of Christmas. Running even longer than the likes of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and even Fox’s X-Men franchise, the accomplishments of Air Bud is formidable. With that said, however, if there is anything that 2016 taught us, it’s that people hate to see beloved franchises rebooted-- just ask Ghostbusters fans. I think I speak for everyone when I say this: leave Air Bud alone. 
3. "AIN'T NOTHIN' IN THE RULEBOOKS..." UNTIL NOW. Speaking of Air Bud, the entire reason Buddy was able to shoot some hoops in the first place was because there was simply nothing in the rulebooks stopping him. Since that milestone in cinema, a surplus of animal athletes followed in Buddy’s paw prints. For example, ain’t nothing in the rulebooks about a zebra running amongst racehorses, but Stripes followed his dreams and excelled in the inspirational film, Racing Stripes, in 2005. Ain’t nothing in the rulebooks about a gorilla in the boxing ring, and yet the World Video Boxing Association allowed Donkey Kong to find his way into the prestigious Punch Out video game franchise in 2009, bringing in a whole new fanbase. Ain’t nothing in the rule books about a snail being a racecar, but doggone it, Turbo went on to win his championship anyway in 2013. My point is, this loophole allowed for many goals to be achieved. If the NBA, NFL, MLB, or any other professional sports organization were to close it in 2017 by revising the rulebooks, the prestigious animal athlete will die, preventing the right kind of diversity to show others that they can follow their dreams. . 
4. SUPERMAN GETS DEPORTED I promised myself I wouldn’t get too political, but there is simply too much on the line. Once a certain someone gets inaugurated as the President of the United States on January 20, he has stated again and again that illegal immigrants will no longer be tolerated in America. And this very well includes Superman. Not even ex-President of the United States Lex Luthor took such an extreme stance on this issue, and the two were able to coexist in the same country despite their total and utter disdain for each other. Now I know what you’re thinking, yes, Superman denounced his American citizenship several years ago, but since then, Flashpoint completely erased that moment from the timeline, so as far as I’m aware, Superman still resides in the United States, he still fights for truth, justice, and the American way, and is thus in danger of being cast out because he simply doesn’t have the right paperwork. If and when it comes down to it, it will be a very sad day in 2017. We love you, Superman. 
But as terrible as things may seem, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. Sure, Mario will be heartbroken, but before there was Peach, there was Pauline. An Air Bud reboot would be a tragedy, but the world will keep spinning and Hollywood suits will continue to reboot and remake. Animal athletes may not be able to participate professionally, but they will always have a place in our hearts. Superman… well, you got me. That one would suck. But in any event, continue to fight for what’s right, because at the end of the day, things can always get worse. Bring it on, 2017. 
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