3 Sins of The Terminator Movies1984’s “Terminator” changed the game. It had a unique blend of horror, sci-fi, action and noir. It had incredible visuals, and it had Arnold Schwarzenegger playing the villain for a change. Not just any villain, but one of the most terrifying villains in cinema history. It’s no surprise that it was the first original Arnie film to start a movie franchise (Conan’s been a franchise long before the movies). As the series went on we got some great developments, some new and memorable characters, and a whole lot of moments that made us cringe and wish somebody would think them through before putting them on film. Today, we’re here to call out the Terminator movies on their 3 biggest sins.
While there’s plenty of things in the original two movies that work in the series’ favor, and while we’re huge fans, it’s a bit bullshit to not pick up on all the times the Terminating just wasn’t good enough. All the times the series took a wrong turn. We did this for the “Predator” movies last year, and since there’s nobody else that can do it like we do, we’re gonna hold the Terminator series’ accountable for its sins. SEÑOR EDITOR: We first hear about John Connor in “Terminator” and immediately learn that he’s such a badass in the future, that the Skynet super computer has to send a killer, Schwarzenegger-shaped robot to kill his innocent mom, just so there’s no chance of Connor even being born. It backfires terribly, but we get who he’s supposed to be. He’s the future’s messiah! The chosen one! Then, we finally see him in “Terminator 2”, and he’s... not what we expected, that’s for sure. But that’s okay - greatness from humble, dumbass beginnings and all that. He’s right in the middle of the action now, with a front seat view at exactly how scary the future can be, and these experiences will no doubt shape him into the legendary John Connor, leader of Human Resistance. Then, we see him in “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines”, and he’s a ratty-looking, college student dweeb kind of guy. He’s been living off the grid since the last film, so that’s at least good, but he’s hardly thriving - he’s stealing from an animal hospital, for shit’s sake. He’s still not likeable at all, he very obviously doesn’t even lift, and it seems like sending a killer robot to take him out is overkill when he looks like a flu could kill him. I can’t even think what the John Connor in future is going through: he’s like “Okay, Skynet is sending another robot, this time to 2004. It’s about 10 more years before I hit the gym and the shooting range, so we should probably get another 2 or 3 friendly Uncle Bobs ready.” It would probably be easier and more cost effective to send back a personal trainer for John Connor, instead of all the robots, cause it’s been years and John’s not even remotely close to being half the badass his mom was. In the first movie. We finally do get a seriously upgraded John Connor in “Terminator: Salvation”, but the problem with that is that we also get “Terminator: Salvation” - an unfortunately pointless movie. CHEROKEE SEEBALACK: For the last couple of decades, movies have been obsessed with the concept of the chosen one – that ‘special’ person (usually a painfully awkward or loner white boy) who will save humanity from its own destruction and bring peace to the galaxy/Hogwarts/Middle Earth/wherever. The Terminator franchise has been built upon the myth, the legend and the messiah that is John Connor, i.e, the series’ version of the chosen one, or more subtly put, a modern day Jesus Christ. Not even five minutes of screentime goes by in any of the Terminator films where he isn’t mentioned. JC this, JC that - you’d expect him to be at least slightly interesting considering he’s been spoken about, and starred, in the last four movies of the franchise. I’m not asking for Sarah Connor clone but give me something to work with, here. We’ve seen teenage John Connor and three different versions of adult John Connor (not counting “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”) now and still, nothing. What do we know about this guy apart from him being the chosen one and that he has questionable taste in hairstyles? Worse, what kind of world do we live in where Anakin - someone who acutally does shit and doesn’t have to be constantly reminded of his chosen privilege - is hated more than John Connor? Was there ever a reason why he was assigned the job of the world’s saviour and not Sarah? Why, just why? SE: Look, I love “Terminator 2”, but that movie is where they really began sneaking humor into a story about an assassination machine on a mission to kill a child. I understand what they were going for, but at the same time I cringe every time I see teenage John Connor teaching the Terminator how to be cool. I don’t mean to sound rude, but this is Arnold fuckin Schwarzenegger we’re talking about here, kid. He basically invented the one-liner. Do you really think he needs to be taught to say “Eat me” by a second rate teenage Bart Simpson impersonator? I know this is a movie and all, but that’s too much suspension of disbelief you’re asking me for. “Terminator 2” starts the shift in tone, and it only gets worse from there. CS: The first Terminator is nothing short of a horror film. Sure, you have explosions, car chases and other moments associated with action movies in the series, but there was a time when Terminator was legitimately horrifying. (And not in the “talk to the hand” type of way that “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines” took us to.) If you’re already doubting “Terminator’s” horror movie credentials, ask yourself this: could you take on the Michael Myers’, Jasons, Leatherfaces’ and other slimy horror icons of their time in a one-on-one fight? You bet your arse you could. Probably all at once if you were feeling like it. Arnie in “Terminator”? No fucking chance. The guy gut punches a man to death in the first scene he’s in for Christ sake. No sweat is broken because he doesn’t even have any to break. Before “Terminator 2”, this was the Arnold Schwarznegger the world knew - a stone-cold, literal killing machine. So what the hell happened? How did we go from that to this? The last three Terminator movies have proven that taking a chameleon-like approach towards the franchise’s tone doesn’t work. More absurd, unneccesary humour has contributed to its painfully drawn-out and very excrutiating death. You can’t expect me to take T-800 seriously when he’s holding a closed coffin (with a sadly alive John Connor inside) as he’s murdering people in a graveyard. There’s even a fucking toy of it. This shouldn’t be that kind of Arnold Schwarznegger film - we have plently of brilliantly dumb Arnie flicks as it is. Give the people what they deserve, man - a balls-to-the-wall, cyberpunk nightmare with as much bloody carnage as possible. SE: A major shift in tone between movies is understandable and can work (like it did with “Aliens”), but the Terminator franchise seems like it can’t make up its mind on what it wants to be. There are so many drastic changes in tone between movies that it makes the films nearly impossible to consider a cohesive series. SE: Sarah Connor is the most interesting and most important human in the Terminator franchise. She goes from being a slasher victim stereotype, to a complete badass, hanging out with military types and getting all the training she needs for the upcoming apocalypse. Some may think John Connor is the most important human in the Terminator movies, but that’s clearly wrong (and not just for the reasons we already covered). In “Terminator” John Connor is just a plot device. He’s the reason the evil Arnold robot wants to kill Sarah Connor. In Terminator 2 he’s still a plot device, it’s just that now he has a face and a kewl 90s attitude. It’s still clearly Sarah Connor that does all the thinking, gets Team Connor the guns, and makes sure the plan works out, while John is busy making the big robot say “cool” things. By the time of “Terminator 2” Sarah Connor is the toughest human in the Terminator series and one of the toughest action heroes in film. Writing her off with “Oh, she died of leukemia, sometime before this shitty movie.” in “Terminator 3” is the lowest point of the series. CS: In an alternate universe, where Hollywood isn’t totally sexist, Sarah Connor would be the chosen one. Take John Connor out of the franchise’s equation and what do you really lose? I would happily give up the truck chase scene in “Terminator 2” if that meant erasing the last decade’s worth of Terminator movies and with it, John’s existence. Without the series being weighed down by JC, Sarah becomes the star she rightfully should’ve been. Women leading their own movies, let alone franchises, was even more of a commodity when the first two Terminator films came out than it is now. Seeing Sarah back in action in “Terminator: Genysis” was great in that respect (we need more than just “The Hunger Games”, you know), but it only made me feel wishful as to what we could have had. CS: “Terminator: The Sarah Chronicles”, the late 2000s TV series about Sarah and John post-“Terminator 2”, shouldn’t need to fill that gap the movies were very much capable of doing. How can you build up such a formidable woman like Sarah and toss her to the side so nonchalantly? How can you turn her into just a vessel to produce the sprog that is John Connor? How? Sarah is an icon. She needs to be mourned like Qui-gon Jinn. She actually had a character arc that went somewhere. Her progression didn’t feel forced, too - it felt natural and showed a woman adapting to an awful situation with cool shades on and a middle finger attitude. She was incredibly smart, wickedly funny, kind and sometimes fucked up but it was okay because she was written like a person who thought stuff and had feelings about things. And that’s what makes me rage the most; the fact she was a character given so much care and consideration by writers that women are never afforded in Hollywood movies and ended up being shafted for this utter moron: SE: This is just sad. In most of “Genisys” he look like he’s auditioning for some shitty X-Men spinoff movie. Since nobody else in the film really dresses like John Connor, I assume it’s just a nod to the series’ continuity. It’s John Connor trying desperately to be “cool” again. Also, I know these are supposed to be scars from an Endo hand, but here it looks like he got his forehead stuck somewhere and tried to wrangle it out. No matter what John Connor puts his head through, it’s still not gonna make up for a lack of Sarah Connor. While we do get Sarah back in the latest movie (played by Emilia Clarke), the movie also changes so much of the continuity that it may be a little too early to tell exactly how much of the original character remains there. The “Genisys” movie is clearly also a bit of a mess, but it manages to accomplish two things. First off, it finally gets rid of John (SPOILERS, I guess!), and second: it reminds everybody that time travel is a big part of the series and can be used to more things than just sending robots to the past. Let’s just hope the series can use it to redeem itself of these sins. RELATED LINKS: - 3 Sins of The Predator Movies - Judgment Day: Rating The Terminator Movies - 5 Moves The Terminator Needs To Have In WWE 2K16 We already know that we're completely right, but how do you feel about the 3 sins of the Terminator movies? What would you add to the list? What would you change? Let us know in the comments! |
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