Alternative Spacesuits for NASA

- by Ninja Ross, 13 May 2017

NASA have been around for some time and have contributed a hell of a lot to science as a whole. The moon landing, the Apollo missions, satellite TV - they're one of the most fabulous agencies to ever exist! And do you know what makes a fabulous agency fabulous, more so than their scientific achievements and contributions to the world? That's right, clothes.

​Clothes make the man, as they say! But, according to a recent story that ran in New Scientist, NASA may run out of spacesuits before they're even done with the international space station.

​That's pretty terrible! But there's an upside to everything. As ice cool as NASA are, they have been needing to update their look for a while now. They need suits that are more practical, safer and sexier. As a fashion expert, I've found some very fine examples of spacesuits they may want to look into purchasing before they attend the grand opening of any Martian colony restaurants.
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RIG FROM "DEAD SPACE"

​​This one allows for plenty of movement, it's tough and comes in a variety of different styles. Not only that, it also tracks the wearers vitals, showing a convenient “health bar” on the back. I'm not sure what good this is for the person wearing it, really, but it looks nice. Sort of like lights on your trainers, which we can all agree is the embodiment of cool.
 
But, as I mentioned, it's a very tough suit. It's made out of metal and lights! It's not the best suit for sneaking around Necromorphs, all clanky and bright, but it'll survive a fair few blows.
 
It also comes complete with a nifty little computer on the chest, which allows you to access all kinds of useful information and even keep track of how many bullets you have. Not that NASA would need guns in space... As far as we know.
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DARTH VADER'S ARMOUR

​Let's fast forward a few years: We've put a colony on the moon, there's plenty of people hanging around, so eventually nightclubs are going to spring up.
 
Would you go to a nightclub wearing a generic space suit? The bouncer is going to block you just for your shoes, never mind the massive, bulky helmet. You can't rave with that. But people are partying in zero gravity, moshing on asteroids and having a blast. You have to wear SOMETHING that'll survive in space! And old Vader has got you covered.
 
That zero gravity slow motion walk is gonna look a hell of a lot cooler with a cape flapping behind you! Add to that the cool breathing that could easily go along with the sick beats blasting out of the speakers and you've got yourself the perfect going out suit.
 
This probably isn't something to be worn while working. While capes are trendy, they're no good for working with big machinery.
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THE JOGGING OUTFIT FROM "THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL"

​From what I can see, this would be the most ideal suit on the list, especially in terms of maneuverability. It's just a onesie with a medieval helmet/diver's helmet thing. Your poor astronaut will look ridiculous, but they'll be comfy.
 
But this was made in 1951, I highly doubt they were that advanced when it came to spacesuits and stuff. So the material would most likely not withstand the harshness of space. This is where NASA would have to use their heads a little bit and try to come up with a new material for it and probably a new helmet. However, I think the original design works, so I'd like if they kept that.
 
It might also be a good idea to look at recreating his robot friend, Gort. If there is life beyond this planet, there's a possibility it's hostile. It would be useful if Gorts were available, so if aliens do attack, they'd get their FUCKING FACES BROKEN.
 

MK.50 COMPRESSION SUIT FROM "ALIEN"

​In terms of visual design, this appeals to those with a love of nostalgia. It looks a lot like the spacesuits we're used to, but it also clearly offers a lot of protection in combat and while using dangerous equipment. Plus it looks like ARMOUR. And that's quite cool.
 
The Mk.50 Compression suit was developed by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation in the Alien movies, but I'd recommend avoiding any corporations like that, if possible. The last thing you want is people poking around evil alien Easter eggs.
 
Which leads to another good point: Training astronauts to not take their helmets off on an alien planet would help. I don't care what their little air testing gizmo's say. What about the smell? Perhaps the Alien movies should be used in astronaut training to avoid bad habits.

MJOLNIR-POWERED ASSAULT ARMOUR FROM "HALO"

This armour was designed for combat and harsh environments. It enhances the strength, agility, speed and durability of the person wearing it. These things are incredibly expensive in the Halo games, estimated to cost roughly as much as a small starship. So they only get a couple of these, which means they usually put super soldiers in them.
 
It's also a very nice looking armour. Perhaps green isn't your thing, but if NASA can make them a bit cheaper, perhaps mass produce them in sweatshops, they could be used for everything and personalised however you like! You could be running around in one that has bright pink lips painted on, if you wanted!
 
Everything would be more interesting. Forget performance enhancing drugs, these things would make sports the greatest thing in the world. It's like if Quidditch was real, but with armoured violence!
 
It's slick, sexy and makes you good at everything. Expensive, though.
 
But I think with these ideas in mind, NASA should have no problem in updating their look. They'll be looking sharp in no time. Oh, and exploring space and stuff.
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So what do you guys think? Which look should NASA focus on instead of those clunky old spacesuits? Let us know in the comments!

Tagged: science.

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