"Gimmick" (Slime Fiction)

- by Łukasz Kowalczuk, 9 July 2018

Slime Fiction is a series of short (from half a page to several pages long) stories about wrestlers, crabs, monsters, aliens and all kinds of things that make this world a beautiful place. Created by Łukasz Kowalczuk. Proudly hosted by Trash Mutant.

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Jennifer Jacobs was the largest woman I’d ever seen in my life. Her handshake was so firm, I grimaced in pain.
- I’m sorry, detective Crying Cat!* I got distracted. – she smiled. I believed her.

-  Just “Cat”.
-  Call me Jen.

The villa was huge, adjusted to the needs of its mighty, but fit, owner. I felt like a dwarf seeing furniture in a XXXL size. The place was very clean, and tastefully decorated. I didn’t notice any service.

You may not know Jennifer Jacobs, but you must have heard of Maniacal Jem. There she was, sitting right in front of me – the world’s most famous female wrestler. The first woman in history to win the World Wide Wrestling heavyweight champion belt. She defeated Handsome Pete in a cage match that ended with him smeared all over the bars. He had to stop using his nickname for a couple months after that. Jem quickly lost her title, due to the protests of conservative fans and behind-the-scenes scheming. Ever since that event, she became more and more dangerous, and her serial killer gimmick seemed all the more authentic.

Seven years have passed, but she remained at her wrestling peak. She didn’t fall into any addictions, she invested her money wisely and safeguarded her privacy. How do I know all that? I like wrestling. I’m best friends with Toshiro Uzumaki, the famous Lion Mask. A legendary Japanese wrestler, who… went missing right after his fight with Jem.
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*

- I can see he didn’t go down easily. – my host had her hand in a cast and scratches all over her arms.
- He was one tough son of a gun. I mean, he still is. Sorry. We fought for the first time, but we’d known each other before and did our homework. I don’t care about reviews anymore, but that was a solid, four star fight. I know you’re friends with him. Were you at the gala?
- I was out of town. Did you notice anything suspicious after the fight?
- No. We thanked each other backstage and I went home. I don’t fight as often anymore and I need time to regenerate between matches. Toshiro is getting on and I heard he wanted to go straight back to Japan after the event.

- His family are going out of their minds with worry.
- I’m so sorry…

The room went quiet. Mentioning his family seemed to have made Jen shrink. Then I noticed the photos hanging on the wall. Her husband and son died in a tragic accident, when she ended her career. She didn’t remarry. As far as I knew, she wasn’t seeing anybody. I should have bitten my fuckin’ cat tongue…

- I’m not sure how I could help. I don’t have as many connections as I used to. Many of my friends are gone… - I worried this would be followed by another moment of awkward silence.
- We’ll be in touch. – I gave her my card. Her hand briefly brushed against mine. That smile again. Honest, endearing.
- Are you sure you have to go? Tell me about Toshiro. Maybe we can figure something out together?

*  *

​I figured Jen’s idea wasn’t bad. Besides, I felt good in her company. Nice people were a rare commodity in my line of work. We talked. First about Toshiro, then about wrestling, finally about everything. Before I realized it, two hours have passed. I was supposed to call Yuzuki, Toshiro’s wife! Take Claw to the veterinary! Meet with Commissioner Ordor!

- Jen, I’m very grateful for your time, but I have to go.
- Let me know if you find any clues.
- I will let you know even if I don’t. – I was pretty sure I blushed.

- I won’t let you go without a gift! – Jen ran back and disappeared back into the house for a moment. – Please, I have a whole box of these. You don’t look like you collect them, but maybe you’ll make some kid happy? – she gave me a box with a Maniacal Jem action figure. This was no ordinary toy. The limited, miniature Jem had innumerable articulation points and was highly detailed. I didn’t admit to collecting this stuff, didn’t want to correct Jen. I decided to inspect the gift closely as soon as I was back in the car. I thanked her, said goodbye and got in the car.

The figure was eerily realistic. The Maniacal Smile, her wrestling trademark, was captured perfectly. I looked back towards the villa to wave Jen goodbye. She was already closing the door. For a split second I saw the real maniacal smile on her face. On my way home, I tried to convince myself it was just an illusion. I turned back after 5 minutes and decided to make sure. Best case scenario was we’d be laughing about it on the date I wanted to ask her out on. In the worst case…

I entered the house from the side of the swimming pool without a problem. No dogs, no guards or alarms. My Crying Cat instinct advised me to keep quiet. The cellar door was open. I took my gun out. This was an entrance to a dungeon taken straight out of a medieval castle! The wall was made of concrete and it had light bulbs painted red, instead of torches. Maniacal Jem’s taste wasn’t nearly as good as Jennifer Jacobs’.

*  *  *

​“Playing this dumb cunt is getting more and more difficult. Stop sneaking, Cat. I knew you’d be back.” Jem was standing in the middle of a room that looked like it was lifted from a cheap horror. She was dressed in her costume – a one-piece outfit made from an imitation of the skin of her beaten opponents. To be fair, I wasn’t so sure it was an imitation. The torture devices, human bones and the stench of death were real. Lion Mask was tied to a massive wooden table, still alive.

- Your friend figured me out, but he bit off more than he could chew. Now I’m doing the biting. It’s been a while since I had that much fun. Ha, ha, ha! – if she stood in front of the camera, this could be the most convincing promo in history.
- Don’t move. Put the scalpel down and step away from the table. We can still help you. You can help yourself.
- Shut the fuck up… - slowly, she started moving in my direction.
- You’re right. – I replied.

First shot. The scalpel flew into air, along with three fingers. Second shot. The shattered knee slowed her down a little. Third and fourth shots. Two spurts of blood started flowing from her chest. She wasn’t stopping. I aimed at the maniacal smile, still present on her face. I emptied the whole clip into her head. She fell in front of me. I went around her body, keeping my distance. I untied my friend and took his mask off. He was regaining consciousness.

- Toshiro, it’s me. I’m calling for help. We’re getting out of here.
- She took me by surprise, I had no chance…
- I believe you. It’s not important. Look. – I pointed to the dead body by the stairs.
- She had such a nice smile… - Toshiro whispered.


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*Crying Cat created by Jack Teagle.

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"Gimmick" illustration by Grzegorz Pawlak.
Translated to English by Señor Editor.
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Tagged: Slime Fiction.

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