Kurt Russell: The Lost Years, 2007-2011
- by Ninja Ross, 21 February 2016
Kurt Russell has always been one of the coolest action heroes around, thanks to his work on movies like "Stargate" and "Hateful Eight". He can shoot and wrestle with the best of them! And he has a jaw line that could break an elephant in two!
He originally made his name as a Disney star and appeared in plenty of family friendly and romantic movies, including Charley and the Angel and The Strongest Man in the World. This was all before he met John Carpenter, who cast him in his first big action role as the iconic Snake Plissken in Escape from New York. Since then, he's become known as an action hero more than anything else.
But despite appearing regularly our screens, between 2007 and 2011 he seemed to have vanished. That's four years with no Kurt Russell. Reliable sources, like Wikipedia, have no record of what he was doing during these four years. So, what was he up to?
Here at Trash Mutant, we pride ourselves on our ability to gather all of the available information and come to logical, down to earth conclusions. So, putting these investigative skills to use, I've come up with a few possibilities.
A SIDE JOB
If you need a bit of extra cash, it's not a bad idea to take on an extra job. Maybe work at a store over the weekends or something. But this shouldn't apply to a big time Hollywood actor like Kurt Russell, should it? The guy should have plenty of cash lying around. Unless he has a severe gambling addiction that has ruined his life and finances.
After losing all of his money from Deathrproof at every casino he hadn't been kicked out of, it seemed like Russell could never regain his former greatness. But he has a family to support, he can't just sit there feeling sorry for himself. But what's a gun enthusiast with a private pilot's license to do?
Promised a big pay day by a former acquaintance from his Disney days, Russell used his love of guns and his ace piloting skills to become one of the fiercest gun runners the world has ever known.
Flying from different countries every other day to deliver guns to terrorists and militias seems like a draining job and it can't be good for the soul. A good man like Kurt Russell would find himself feeling torn between feeding his family and saving the lives of innocent strangers.
This is only speculation, but one can only assume that, while on a job, he came across director Don Handfield. Maybe Handfield got caught up in something he didn't understand. Maybe he's in the gun running business. Who knows. But one thing is for sure: Handfield was Russell's ticket out of there with a job in a movie called “Touchback,” where he was to play a coach mentoring a promising American football player.
Having finally found a way out of his life of crime, Russell returned to acting in 2011 and hasn't looked back since. We here at Trash Mutant would like to congratulate him on kicking his gambling habit and finding new success!
RESCUING THE PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER
When the president's daughter goes missing, who do you count on to bring her back alive? The same man who once rescued the president from a city full of criminals, naturally.
I'm not suggesting Escape from New York isn't fictional, of course. That would be a bit far fetched. But the amount of work Kurt Russell put into this movie clearly impressed somebody. Russell didn't just act the part, he BECAME Snake Plissken.
While taking a break from acting anyway, Russell was called upon by President Obama when his daughter went missing during a school field trip in New York. Being a smart man, Obama knew that it was physically impossible for Kurt Russell, even if he really was Snake Plissken, to take on an entire city. But when a ransom note was tracked down to New York's China Town, it seemed like God was sending him a sign.
Cracking skulls and throwing knives at bad guys is all in a day's work for Kurt Russell, of course. While not really a killing machine, he was still able to draw on his action hero experience to save Obama's daughter and even stop the supernatural gang wars plaguing China Town at the time.
A SECRET MISSION
It's a well-known fact that, when Walt Disney died, he wrote Kurt Russell's name on a piece of paper. Not even Kurt Russell knows what it meant. At least that's what he claims.
Kurt Russell leads a private life. He's quiet and well behaved, unlike some actors. But what if that's just to avoid attention? What if he's been up to something since Disney's unfortunate death?
The only reasonable conclusion is that when Disney died, he put Russell on one final mission. And by 2007, this mission finally reached it's peak when all kinds of things happened.
Thanks to Russell's ability to keep things under wraps, it's impossible to say exactly what went on. But given his past roles and his love of guns and hunting, it's clear that Russell was the perfect choice for a hunt.
It is highly likely that Russell was tasked to watch over future Disney stars and make sure they didn't disgrace the the brand. Christina Aguilera, for example, went from the innocent girl next door to the proud, high pitched singer we know today. With songs like “Dirty” and “Candy man”, it's easy to see why Disney might have been worried.
But we haven't really seen any Disney actors shot dead by Kurt Russell, have we? It's hard to believe that Russell is just a crappy shot or that he's a coward. Kurt Russell is a man of his word and a darn good shot. So, what happened?
As much of a badass as Russell is, he's also a good man. He's a man of high class! So when he sees the likes of Aguilera shaking booty and taking drugs, maybe he doesn't think that's worth killing someone for. But where does that leave him? Walt Disney activated Russell as his agent of justice! What happens when he refuses his orders?
You don't send just anyone to take our Kurt Russell. The people you send had better be horrible, scary brutes with serious fire power and skills. For four years, Russel would have been in hiding from the agents of Disney, keeping his family safe and taking out anyone trying to mess with his shit.
But that was a very different time. By 2011, Marvel and Disney were pretty tight, crafting huge deals and creating some of the biggest movies to ever exist. What did they care of Miley Cyrus got a few tattoos? Or if Kurt Russell didn't want to shoot people? It seems like a cease fire has been reached and Russell can finally focus on his career again. But the future is still uncertain... What happens when Robert Downey Jr can't be persuaded to put on the Iron man Helmet again?
There are plenty of possibilities for Kurt Russell's disappearance. He could have been spending time with family or taking a bit of time off. Who knows! But I think you'll agree that one of these theories is at least 77% accurate.
Which theory do you subscribe to? What do you think Kurt Russell was doing for these four long years? Let us know in the comments!
Tagged: movies & TV.