"I'm Your Chichiyo": Star Wars Movie Realization FiguresHere I am. Sitting in my room with this box from Japan, wondering what’s inside. As you may already know, the content of the package is connected to the Star Wars franchise. But before I reveal exactly what it is, let me tell you a short story about getting drunk and making poor decisions…
So our story begins in a galaxy far, far away. Or maybe not “galaxy”, but I guess Poland might be pretty far away from your country, so the sentence still almost tells the truth. The other day I got drunk. Not totally wasted, but still enough to have a devastating hangover. But before the great headache came, I got home and grabbed my phone. You probably know what people say about drunk texting. It’s wrong, it’s annoying and it usually makes things between you and your crush look bad. But there’s something even worse, something that should be absolutely forbidden - buying random things online while being drunk. 
I really wanted to order action figures of Darth Vader and a Stormtrooper, but my vision was blurred by the alcohol, so I’ve decided to depend on my spider-sense. Quick action - tap „buy now” button, pay and go to sleep. And here we are today. I’m sitting with this box from Japan and I’m not really sure what’s inside… Let’s do the unboxing! 
Waaaait a second. Something went terribly wrong here. These characters on the covers don’t look like the ones from the movies. Why do these figures look so strange, almost like samurai? Is it because I bought them from Japan? Well, I guess I’m lucky I didn’t get them from Scotland. Would they be wearing a traditional Scottish kilt then??? Have you ever seen those bootleg toys on the internet? I'm talking about Robert Cop, Superheroic man, Dark Rider Batman, or Specialman. Yep, I'm sure that I became the victim of evil bootleggers from Asia. The actual figures look pretty good and solid, though. And by „good” I mean awesome. Lord Vader has a cool lightkatana instead of a lightsaber, and it even comes in two versions – with and without blade (a turned off lightkatana). And here’s the best thing - the sneaky bootleggers decided to go even further and they put another bootlegged toy in each box!!! Do you remember Thing T. Thing from The Addams Family? Now check this photo: 
They bootlegged Thing T. Thing as a Star Wars character and even made 6 different poses of this figure. So cool!!! The Stormtrooper made it even better – inside his box you can find 6 different poses of bootlegged Evil Dead’s Star Wars-styled Ash’s evil spirit possessed cut off hand. So brilliant, so wow!!! 
The bootlegged Star Wars action figures have a lot of articulation points and you can make them stand in even the most absurd poses. As I said before – they’re very solid and they look great. Their height is about 180 mm [That's just over 7 inches, for you savages not using the metric system - Ed.] and the details on masks and armor are precisely sculpted. And that’s basically everything I needed from them. So this time you did a great job, you sneaky Asian bootleggers. But one lucky shot doesn’t make ‘buying random things online while being drunk’ a good thing. So let’s drink for my luck and let’s check the online stores! Did you get any beautiful bootleg figures like these? What was the last thing you bought online when drunk? Let us know in the comments! _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ABOUT THE AUTHOR: The International Witchhammer. The guy has read only 2 books in his life – Holy Bible and the 15th century manual for dealing with witches called “Malleus Maleficarum”. Any other stuff is heresy, so if he wants to read a comic book, he has to tear it apart and turn it into comic strips, which thankfully are not forbidden by his order. 
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